Prong one – Tell society it’s a problem.
I want to change society but to achieve that change, I must first define the problem. The problem is mine but it also lies hidden in the bodies, minds, and souls of other raped women. It sucks at their well-being and sense of safety, and has for a long, long time.
Historically, the story of a rape has been told from the male point of view and, in this context, women have been as disposable as old plastic supermarket bags. To change this, the current status quo, women must do something revolutionary and contrary to everything they have been taught up to now. The #metoo movement started it. The opportunity to go forward is here, here now and women must act now.
They must tell the world what happened. They must tell the truth. The worry is that it will affect their lives, their jobs, their families. But what I am suggesting does not have a name, address, and social security number attached to it. You can tell your story without naming names, and without identifying localities. This isn’t about putting men in jail. It’s about women. You can gain strength by telling your story. It was a traumatic part of your life and telling about it will bring catharsis. If you feel strong enough, name your rapist, and give specifics about where and when it happened but it’s not at all necessary.
Raped women are emotional, that’s true but most of us have been coping well for years. We can help each other. If you want, publish it here. I’ll create a space for it on my blog. Send your story to hannahpowersblog@gmail.com. I’m not going to edit what you write nor will I control the comments. If I think a comment is dangerous, I’ll delete it before you even see it, but I don’t want to be a gatekeeper. I don’t have time. What I have is a public forum and I urge you to use it. There are other forums for telling your story, Pandora’s Project is one and it is safe, perhaps safer than here.
Prong two – Tonic Immobility
Tonic Immobility is a catatonic or freeze-like state where a woman is unable to move, yell or even speak. It is the final stage of the trauma syndrome when fight or flight are not available. The definition that follows is taken from a scientific study.
“In humans, TI [Tonic Immobility] has been described as an involuntary, temporary state of motor inhibition in response to situations involving intense fear. It has further been described as a catatonic-like state with muscle hyper- or hypo- tonicity, tremor, lack of vocalization, analgesia and relative unresponsiveness to external stimuli.”1Tonic immobility during sexual assault, a common reaction predicting post traumatic stress disorder and severe depression by Anna Moller, Hans Peter Sondergaard and Lotti Helstrom, AOGS, Acta Obstetricia Gynecologica Scandinavica, 2017, May, 2017, page 930.
How many people know about TI? Very few. It may be the first time you are hearing about it and your response may be that it makes sense. Yes, it does. And it is the reason a woman cannot yell for help, fight or run away. You may have seen it in others or you may have felt it yourself. It is an extremely common reaction in rape. The study I used for my definition reported that 70% of almost 300 raped women experienced some form of it.
Why is this important? You only have to listen to President Trump’s response when he made fun of Christine Blasey Ford after the Kavanaugh hearings. He is not the only male who doesn’t understand the trauma syndrome. There are legions. Some are legislature representatives like Republican Missouri State Senator Barry Hovis who talked about all the consensual rapes he oversaw in his 30 year tenure as Sheriff. I can almost guarantee that he doesn’t know about tonic immobility and none of his friends and colleagues know either. Police, DA’s, Moms and Pops, and many others also don’t know about it.
The first group of people who need this information are raped women. Women have been beating themselves up because they didn’t fight or scream. Well, now that you know about TI, you can forgive yourself and begin to see so called “consensual rape” in a whole new light.
The second group who need to know are men, especially young men, because it will prevent them from making a serious error in judgement. If your victim has stopped moving and seems out of it, she hasn’t acquiesced. She is in a state of TI and, if you continue, it will be rape.
Who else needs to know? Everyone.
Prong three – Affirmative Consent
“Affirmative consent is a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the sexual activity.” https://system.suny.edu/sexual-violence-prevention-workgroup/policies/affirmative-consent/
This is the most common definition. California is the only state to have it as law so far. It needs to be the law in every state in the country. One of the reasons there are so few rape convictions is because the rape laws are stacked in favor of the male perpetrator. For example, in many states if a man doesn’t know it is wrong to have sex with a sleeping or incapacitated woman, he is not guilty of rape. If Affirmative Consent were the law, he would have to wake her up or bring her to enough to say “yes”. Also, he would not be able to say that he didn’t force her to have sex, that she is all beaten up because she asked for rough sex and he was just doing what she wanted him to do. There are states that require that the victim fight her attacker. The victim has to be able to demonstrate that she was beaten or she will not be believed. As I said, the law is stacked in favor of the perpetrator, not the victim. We can change that. We can make all states Affirmative Consent states. We can make it the law of the land and not just for colleges, universities, and the school system. It should be the law for a McDonald employee or a hotel maid. No one, regardless of color or economic status, deserves to be raped. This is not just a school issue. It’s universal.
I know there are additional problems. There are rape kits moldy on shelves, for example. But these three issues will move us forward quickly and after we achieve success on them, the others will follow behind.